February 15, 2009

10:30 P.M.

Sorry I have not been on for awhile alot going on with me and Stacey. Stacey has been still going threw her moods not for sure why she continues to act out like she does, we got her taken off a couple of the meds. but still no results. Now we have been facing the issue that she is needing to go to the bathroom it seems every five minutes, I took her to the Doctors Monday and they said no UTI but her platelets were high to come back in a month to get it checked on again and they are trying to set up tests to see if her bladder is emptying all the way, but I don't think that is it one minute she says she has to pee the next she has to have a bowel movement, I can not get her to understand that she can not sit on the toilet all day, but it is kinda like when she was hungry all the time which she has stopped asking about that and not eating as much which worries me a little, but I am not sure if this is just a shift that she is starting to fell now that she has to go and it is a constant felling or if it is something more, I just know that this is almost has me on my last nerve because I am worried but yet I can not explain it to her where she will understand that she has went and she can not sit on the toilet all day. We finally got x-rays of her back done and her shoulder but we got the wrong one done I always thought it was her right clavicle that was broken but it is not all the damage was all on her left side except for the right wrist that was broken, so we will probably have to go in and get the left clavicle x-ray ed again. I still think it contributes to her shakes that she has in her right side which has continued to get worse threw the months. I just don't know anymore I have had some medical problems come up myself and the Doctor has told me to start to prepare her into going into assist living because if I don't I will not be around to see her continue with her life, he told me that if every there was an award for the best MOM care he would give it to me, but I need to quit wishing and facing the truth, it is going to take some years for her to continue her growth and learning that if she continues but unfortunately my taking the care of her I have used up to much, that I need to let go and start getting more help in here for her until we can get her into the assist living homes. How do I go about doing that tho I vowed to always be there for her to take care of her and not but her in one of those places, how is one parent can say that to another parent, to give up and take care of yourself first and worry about her later how does one parent do that especially since I have done it for almost two and half years, how can you just stop and just drop them into someones else's hands and not worry and continue on with your own life like nothing has happened, can anyone clarify this for me? Well that is all for tonight just thoughts that I had to but out there because I can not figure what the right answer is myself. God Bless may he be as strong and supportive with you as you all are with me! Picture tonight is a picture of one of Stacey's friends Brian who came to see her before he got shipped out to china for the army we will miss him and our prayers follow him to hopefully keep him safe!