April 20, 2008

9:00 P.M.

Well we had a long week, at least it felt that way. Stacey rode this weekend and finally got to ride outside this week she did really good this week as far as riding and following directions tonight's picture is of her and the ladies who make her day a special one each week, of course Big Mac her horse had to turn his head at the time I took the picture but that is OK I have plenty others of him. Big Mac has really been a good horse for her this year because it widens her out and gives her an even spread and actually works her hips and her legs. We spent the weekend doing some spring cleaning, today I started on Stacey's room which this is the third time I have been up there since the accident, and today was even harder on me because I stayed a good portion of the day up there. I started packing her things up in her room because I know she won't be going back up there anytime soon and I don't have room down stairs for her stuff so I started

backing it all up. I took down tons of pictures of her all her friends all of Miss Teen banners and pins and honors that she had hanging that she won from school, I even came across letters for a High School Jacket from cheer leading and choir, I didn't even know she had them, not sure what to do with them. I came across written letters she gotten from old boyfriends and other friends. I started packing up clothes, alot of new ones that she had gotten for 2006-2007 school year not for sure if I should give them away or keep them, I am hoping she will get back in them but I really doubt it. Then I came across Stacey's clothes that they cut off of her at the hospital with the stains of blood on them, this really got to me, it brought alot of bad memories back and made me step back couple of steps, but I had to shake it off and remind myself that I am lucky she is here at all and that she is continuing to make improvements. It is just really hard tho seeing her room with pictures of models, pictures of friends, pictures of her life and what she has achieved only in the few years before her accident, all that she worked so hard for all gone in a flash of a second. What would she have accomplished if she did not have the accident would she have graduated this next year with high honors and have her college picked out would she have more college scholarships build up from her pageants and where would she have started which one would she have picked or would she have picked her life in doing pageants or being able to become a Model like she dreamed of being. The thing is we will not ever know, but I know she would have been happy at what ever her path would have been. The question is know what comes in her life now, are the doctors right will she not get a second chance, will she get the chance to experience Love again what is to come for her? I know I just have to continue pushing and cross my fingers and pray that God will help bring a little more of her back to me and to her! I am sorry for tonight just been a long day and as you can see alot weighting on my mind, I know I shouldn't think this way but I go threw this period alot in my life here lately, and this is the only way to get it off my chest and out of my mind, so I can continuing on focusing on good things for myself and for Stacey. So thanks for letting me cry and vent, thanks for every one's continuous prayers and your support. Please say a few prayers for me that I get out of this stage and continue to stay strong, so I can continue to keep pushing Stacey to prove all the Doctors wrong and that she does have a chance for a life again. Thank You Again and God Bless.